Inside-Out…The Transformation Frustration

Ever have a goal…. something you have been working towards, striving for…something that you wanted more than anything, and in the beginning it felt like it was so worth the time, effort and discipline.

Maybe physical change is the goal and you put on your walking shoes, plan those menus, put up inspirational pictures and words of self-affirmation. You spend time listening to or reading words of people who have “done it”…who inspire you and spur you on to harder workouts, less carbs, and more and more cauliflower! All with the belief…”if I do this, I will get that”.

…and then the “I don’t wanna’s” hit. Discouragement. Impatience…. whatever brings it on… You find yourself a little bitter toward that skinny person that can eat whatever they want…who never works out and yet has no cellulite. And suddenly the cauliflower that has been your friend and helped you power through all those carb cravings is ridiculous, and all you want is a sack of fries from Five Guys…..

Or maybe it was something you were praying and believing for. You awoke with fresh energy and hope, grabbed your devotional, sat in your quiet chair to soak in the sweet time with just you and God. Then, during the day there were the songs that lifted you, the inspirational quotes and scriptures pasted all around the house…reminders of God’s goodness and faithfulness. And, at the end of the day, laying down in Peace, trusting it all to His complete care.

And then I wonder, how often do we unintentionally apply the, “if I do this, I will get that” to our prayers and spiritual lives. Because if I’m being honest, I sometimes get weary of doing “my part”, and not seeing any change. Sometimes I sit in my quiet chair and God feels a million miles away and I lay down at night wanting so badly to sleep and find Peace…I mean, I showed up in my chair this morning! But, peaceful sleep will not come. And sometimes, in my frustration I will turn off that inspiring music and avoid the quiet chair and pull down those sticky notes of scriptures…and then….I have no idea what to do….

Because it seems maybe what “I do” is not all about what “I get”…but about what I will become

In the physical, whether I ever “get” to be skinny, if I just keep making better choices and including movement in my day, I will become healthier. True health comes from the inside…even if my skinny never shows up.

In the spiritual, whether I ever “get” what I am praying for, God is still Good and Faithful and can be trusted. And, if I will just Be Still in that quiet place, God will do transformational work on my insides. I will become stronger in my weakness, I will become more compassionate in my pain, I will become more patient in my affliction, I will find faith in the midst of my fears …and in all of that… I will become more like Him. Isn’t that the ultimate goal, anyway?…

Published by: Mishelle Phillips

I’m an empty-nester mom from Franklin, Tennessee. I live with my husband of 25 years, Richard. I am blessed with friends and family who love me, encourage me…and talk me into doing stuff that scares me. Over the years I have shared my writings with them and they suggested I start this blog. So…. here it is. I offer it with one hand over my face, peeking through my fingers as I click on the word “publish” … hoping with all my heart you find something meaningful here. Mishelle Phillips


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