The “I Know” Echo…

I ran across this in my journal this evening. One of the grace gifts of journaling is being able to look back and be reminded of God’s tender mercies at different points in our lives. Those mercies will be fresh again tomorrow and the next day and the next….they never end…

March 23, 2018

I Just Don’t Know…

I was having quiet time with God this morning…literal Quiet. I just didn’t even know what to speak out loud. I felt like I was in a fog….so much was running through my mind, so many thoughts and questions and fears. As I was just about to start the ugly cry (I’ve been told that crying is a form of prayer, so I was going to fully engage)…I looked out the window and said out loud…”I just don’t know”. Those words must have cleared the fog a bit, because it was like this echo started in my mind…

“I know……………I KNOW”.

It kept ringing in my head like that…”I know…….I KNOW”.

As I sat and let it repeat, this “double-I Know” started to make sense.
The first “I know” was so sweet and compassionate. Like a parent wrapping their heartbroken child in their arms and saying, “I know, honey. You can let it all go…I’m here…it’s gonna be ok”…
The second “I KNOW” was full of authority and unwavering confidence. It was THE absolute “I KNOW”….in every way, shape and form. It was God reminding me that he Knows ALL and does ALL things well…and it IS enough to know that He knows.

So, I may not like it and it may feel scary, but the truth is that God, from the beginning of time, has always seen the bigger picture. My finite brain does not have the capacity to manage all the moving pieces that are engaged in life on this one planet, let alone the Universe!… I mean, if I’m being honest, I’m still in my pajamas at 10:28….
In this life I seem to get to know things on a “need to know” basis…that can be frustrating. In those times of absolute uncertainty, if I want to have any Peace at all, it seems that knowing God KNOWS, has to be enough….Ya know??

Lamentations 3:19-26 (NIV)

¹⁹ I remember my affliction and my wandering,
the bitterness and the gall.
²⁰ I well remember them,
and my soul is downcast within me.
²¹ Yet this I call to mind
and therefore I have hope:

²² Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed,
for his compassions never fail.
²³ They are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.
²⁴ I say to myself, “The Lord is my portion;
therefore I will wait for him.”

²⁵ The Lord is good to those whose hope is in him,
to the one who seeks him;
²⁶ it is good to wait quietly
for the salvation of the Lord.